I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Everclear isn't food dammit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
