I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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