never play flip cup with pint glasses
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
