I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
