two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
