just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
