I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
