I love black thongs
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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