I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
