I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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