Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
