hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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