no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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