it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
