Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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