the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
