You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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