1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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