Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
