I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
