Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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