I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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