he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
