all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
