# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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