Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
