its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
