You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
