mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am in a vortex of obligation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize