I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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