I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
