:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
