thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Say something about gay babies.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
