I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
