did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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