Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
