worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
