god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
