I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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