well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
