I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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