no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is the high leading the old right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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