his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
