i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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