I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
