Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just had sex bonerless
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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