Nicole vs. Life
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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