i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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