oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
