Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
