I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
