I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize