then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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