STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
