the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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