Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
