life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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