Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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