if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
