you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
