He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
