No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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