Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
