Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize